Things I want to say

Yes

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:49:07 +0000

Good things are occurring. This is good.

Yes.

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 02:59:05 +0100

Yes.

Wonderful…

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 16:13:01 +0100

Wonderful…

This is rather lovely

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 01:44:49 +0100

This is rather lovely

This looks so fantastic, imagine having this as your home…...

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:28:00 +0100

This looks so fantastic, imagine having this as your home… Think I’d just be well content for the rest of my life. A natural, open home for everyone to come and just be.

Love

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 16:09:49 +0000

Love

yesyesyes this would be incredible

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:59:51 +0000

yesyesyes this would be incredible

Photo

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:44:59 +0000

A few details…

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:45:00 +0000

A few details…

A whine...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:03:25 +0000

I feel lost. I feel as though I invested a large part of myself into this beautiful connection with him. I waited so long, wanting to know that what I felt about him was real and not some rebound nonsense bullshit… And then we hung out. And we had wonderful times together, and for the first time in a long time I felt actually happy with who I am as a person, didn’t feel the need to change myself. I mean of course I felt woefully inadequate next to him, but he didn’t seem to mind and so I stopped minding too. And his smile could light up my heart, it is the biggest purest smile I’ve ever seen. Now I won’t be able to ever experience it in the same way, knowing that we had something together.

I still don’t understand his reasons. He says he has never had a relationship because every time he gets too close to someone, he gets uncomfortable. He gets scared is what I think it is… And for him to live his whole life so far never having felt the crazy stupid heart-wrenching anticipation that being in love feels like, I find that sad. Its a feeling that people should have a healthy respect for, but never something to run away from.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong, and I jus wasn’t good enough, but he seemed quite ademant that it was just him being useless. And to be honest, one of his best friends described him to me as an asexual being.

Still sad though. Still massively gutted. Still wish I could change his mind.

Wish I could just lie there and gaze up for a very long time. It...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:23:56 +0000

Wish I could just lie there and gaze up for a very long time. It seems so peaceful yet so incomprehensible…

What I wouldn’t give to be with him right now

...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:21:18 +0000

Sad now. I dont know what happened. It was going so well, and then he just runs away… Who gets scared of being intimate?

So this is me. Eternally useless.

Mmm…

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:48:37 +0000

Mmm…

Motivation

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:39:56 +0000

The start of a new project is difficult. You dont know yet what direction your ideas are going to go in. No idea what colours you’re going to pick, what you want your characters to wear, how low that fly bar actually is… Its exciting though… in a way, thinking about how you yourself dont actually know what you’re going to produce. You dont know your outcome. I’m kind of looking forward to discovering mine!

The only thing holding me back is motivation, confidence, faith in my self and my ideas. I need to get dedicated! Not spend the entire day procrastinating thinking about all sorts of pointless and irrelevant things. Frustrating. Something I must conquer.

On another note, he is wonderful… That piece of my life is growing and getting better and I hope it will keep doing that. That’d be quite nice really :)

These colours are so wonderful - just shows how beautiful the...

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:34:06 +0000

These colours are so wonderful - just shows how beautiful the world is. Even in a tiny part of it like this

Oh yes please, wouldn’t this be wonderful

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:34:38 +0000

Oh yes please, wouldn’t this be wonderful

Photo

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 02:35:33 +0000

Amazzzing…

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 04:43:50 +0000

Amazzzing…

Cotton Wool

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 02:31:01 +0000

Cotton Wool:

Keston Cobbler’s Club. Beautiful folky and simply wonderful. Please go and listen! Go now.

Idiotic thoughts must stop.

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 02:22:31 +0000

Oh man. My hearts started to turn on me. Its starting to say all those things that it always does at this point, especially when I start feeling really happy. It says… he’ll find out soon that you’re not as interesting as you try and make yourself out to be. Its saying that there’ll be someone else for him soon. Its saying theres no way I deserve him as he is literally such a beautiful soul, and i’m just not nearly as good as him. its saying that he’ll grow tired of me, and someone else will catch his eye and he’ll be gone with a barely whispered goodbye. Because I started to feel happy my heart has made me sceptical. Its made me doubt what I think I feel. I know how I feel, but how do I know how he actually feels? How do I know how anyone actually feels? How does anyone?

Its ok though. If he finds someone else, then they’re obviously better for him than I am, and I should accept that. I know i’m not as exciting as a lot of other people, some who he’s about to meet through me. I just really actually do hope that I can be enough, that he wont realise that i’m really not good enough for him. I feel as though I dont deserve him, he’s passionate and funny and so full of life. How can anyone match that?

I’m going to try my hardest to stop all these thoughts… I’ve got to, else he’ll discover what a nutter I am. I cant imagine something’s failing before its even properly begun!! Who does that? Rhetorical… What an idiot I actually am.

God, what a self-pitying post. I do apologise. But its nice to let it out, anonymously anyway. Just imagine if he could read this! Ha… Wow.